Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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