Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
