she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
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hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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