Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This is the high leading the old right now
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
