babies were throwing up all over the place
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The ass gains better be worth it
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