Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Your cock deserves a montage
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
