No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
