I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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