i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
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But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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