i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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