I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
