Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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