in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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