She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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