I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
