Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I believe in your delicious
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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