I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
