I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
