do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
