Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
