i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
