I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize