meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
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