It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
