He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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