I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
