now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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