OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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