I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
