you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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