he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
