I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
