Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
