why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
