Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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