That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
