dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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