you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
