he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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