i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
