Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize