I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
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I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
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If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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