I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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