I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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