I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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