I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
