Do you still have your period?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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