your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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