I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
