Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
