She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
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I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
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