Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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