Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
