I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I need to sanitize my soul.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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