I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
