It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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