Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
