I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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