I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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