For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
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he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
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Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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