I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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