you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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