yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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