i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
